The Wealthy

Editor's Sidenote: I have been struggling with ideas on how I wanted to present this blog posting. Originally, I wanted to do this one on the city of Dubai in the Arab Emirates, then I thought doing it about rich people would be better, and now I think I'll combine elements from both ideas into this blog. Ok, here goes...

Ahh, isn't it great to be rich? I mean I wouldn't know because I'm not but the people of Dubai would. I mean this city has has many of the world's oil fields, and many wealthy people go here to live. Apparently all the other rich people hangouts are now passe; they need another one to show why they're better than the rest of us poor people.

Car companies for years now have perpetuated the notion that it's not enough that only wealthy people should have luxury, they now say that they should be also be safer too because they can afford the more expensive status symbols; apparently the poor and otherwise not-so-wealthy are expendable, and rich people are irreplaceable.

Now T.I. has a song with Rihanna called "Live Your Life", where he tells the listener to be satisfied with their life, because nobody's life is perfect. It's funny how you always hear things like that from folks when they're rich; would he still be saying that if he were poor (by comparison) like the bottom 99% of Americans, though?

As if that wasn't enough, the wealthy constantly invent new ways to express to us that they're important and that we aren't even though in many cases, us poor folks were responsible for them becoming wealthy in the first place. With that said, allow me to show you 2 new ways the rich have found to show off their wealth.

Having a big, fancy mansion isn't "ballerific" enough any more; this is but one more way the rich and truly important are living now:

Exhibit A:



The newer, cooler way to show off your wealth!

A man-made island off the coast of Dubai called Palm Island. Last night, I was watching (until I grew too disgusted to continue) these builders literally make this island using gravel and sand. Anyway, the project took about 6 years to complete and several billion tons of sand and rock, some rocks weighing as much as 4 tons. That's right people, rich people are building more elaborate, more silly ways to say "Ha ha! I'm richer than you!" Isn't that delightful???

What better way to show off your status than to have developers steal sand and rocks from the mainland to satisfy your vanity! What a novel idea! One of the developers involved with this monstrosity said that it would put Dubai on the map! Ok, one of the richest places on this planet needs something like this to put them on the map! Lol.... big time! By comparison, this is how you probably live:

Exhibit B:

But wait! It gets better! Dubai has now decided that Palm Island wasn't enough (isn't that just like the rich?) and have designed another abomination they call The World. This is an archipelago in which each individual continent is made up of a series of smaller islands about 300 feet apart and has been estimated to cost about 14 billion dollars to construct, with each island said to cost 250 million dollars each to own! This is what it looks like:

Exhibit C:

Wait, wait! Who's going to live in Antarctica?!

Isn't it nice to know even the rich have a sense of humor, even though it's at the expense of the have-nots? There's nothing wrong with having money to be sure, but come on! Are you fuckin' serious?! People all over the world are starving to death tonight and the rich keep doing asinine things like this with their collective fortunes instead of giving back some! Best...waste of money....ever!!

People Who Use Apple Products

They act like they're such mavericks because they use an Apple computer instead of Microsoft Windows like most people do. Go to most any coffee shop, and you'll see at least one of these posers showing off their latest $1799 abomination. This is their way of sticking it to the "man". Many of these people want to be seen as individuals and have identity issues and show it in the way they choose to waste their money. Nevermind that it's a publicly-traded company, but whatever.

They often scan around the room, seeking out any Windows user so they can receive some satisfaction that they're somehow better than any unfortunate soul who is still in the dark ages. Don't get me wrong, Steve Jobs makes a good product, but the user base is all wrong! The simple fact is most people and most companies simply cannot afford a slew of old Apples, let alone new ones, thus Apple retains their "only for the wealthy and the foolish" image and the peoples' money. How diabolically clever!

Exhibit A:



Somehow, this logo means you're better than regular folk...

Most of those who purchase an Apple are people who are mad at and otherwise harbor a grudge against Microsoft, so they go out and buy an underpowered yet overpriced "screw you" to Windows. "Apple computers don't crash, and are just better than Windows; it's easier to use too." they attempt to point out. Yeah, I don't see how it's easier, since most of the world is used to Windows, but whatever. I even heard this one guy say "Macs can't get viruses." I'm pretty sure he was high, but that's neither hear nor there.

Lemme explain some things to you folks who don't know. If it has an operating system, (Windows, OSX, Linux, etc.), it can get viruses. Once OSX and Linux get more market share, hackers will gleefully waste their time writing viruses for them. The one thing that these people fail to realize is that if you don't work in the Graphic Arts, Web, Photography, or Music industries, you do not have any damn business buying of these abortions. Do they not know that Microsoft makes money off them anyway, because they have a lot of stock in Apple? Why else haven't they created their own version of Office by now?

People who own Apple computers typically either own or are trying to own an iPhone as well. They've never owned a devices equipped with Windows Mobile and they just know iPhone is better. Granted, iPhone has a slick interface, but do I really need to be draining it's remaining life force so they can watch YouTube clips? I watch video on my iPod. As long the phone does what it's supposed to do, why would you need all that other stuff? It's like as long as it's Apple, who cares if it's on this underpowered (sensing a theme here?) 3G network?

Exhibit B:



"Sorry I couldn't pick up, but I just had to play Super Monkey Ball some more!"

Are you still in Dark Ages like many of us, because the only way out is to go Apple! Diabolically clever, don't you think?

Vegetarians

These kinds of people annoy the unholy hell out of me, because they spend all their time preaching to us meat-eating heathens that we're basically committing an affront to the Lord by eating meat. Never mind the fact that people slaughtered animals to sacrifice to Him, and people ate meat at Passover. I don't believe in the Bible it says anything at all about "thou shalt not eat meat". Never mind that meat has certain vitamins and minerals that we don't get in veggies. They whine and complain that we as meat eaters, are doing what equates to committing murder on the furry yet delicious "people", attempting to crucify any and all meat-eaters.

Exhibit A:



What your typical grass-eater sees him/herself as...

Usually super-skinny and malnourished looking, they look like death warmed over. You know, like those African kids they show on all those Christian Children's Fund commercials? Funny thing is that many of them are fat asses too. Don't even try to tell me your ass got that damn big just by grazing out in the field with all the other fellow future hamburgers either!

Exhibit B:



The true definition of what a vegetarian is

Man how they do try to convince you you're wrong and they're right! Saying things like "don't you wanna live longer?" Not if I have to live like you! Besides, what's so good about living longer if everyone you love dies before you of clogged arteries and a stomach full of pure, unbridled happiness? Let me live my life like I want to and you won't end up on my dinner plate, ya feel me?

Exhibit C:



"Don't eat me! That'd be baaaaaaad!!!"

Editor's Sidenote: Since this blog posting, I have found proof that being a vegetarian isn't "better" than being a meat eater. Click here for the article...

While you're bitching about what I'm eating, what about the rights of my front lawn? Don't blades of grass deserve to be protected too? just because they can't scream in pain or fight back, doesn't mean that they don't feel pain too, you feel me?

The funny thing is as much as they don't like eating meat, many of them will lick and suck and savor your man-meat like they've been eating it for years! Well, I guess that would be the definition of the word "irony"...

Ungrateful People

You know, I don't get this. Somebody needs help for whatever reason, and when you help, sometimes even putting yourself at risk, you don't even get so much as a thank you. I think that holding a door for a lady or a female of any age, unlocking somebody's car door, or sacrificing your haircut money for the "greater good" warrants an automatic and heartfelt (I can't stress that part enough) thank you, don't you think?

It's not like I'm saying I deserve a damn blow job, although that would be a nice gesture, or all the gold in Fort Knox, but damn! Would it kill you to show some gratitude??? Damn! When stuff like this happen, it makes me not want to help people, because it risks my time unnecessarily, and no good can come of this. I'm reminded of the old saying "no good deed goes unpunished".

My cousin cut her finger and I told her to hang on, I was gonna get her a bandage, but I had to go back to my house to get them, which was about a mile and a half from where we were at my grandmother's house. Like 7-8 mins. later, I got back to put it on her finger, and she's like "what took you so long?"

Wait!! Hold up!! Y'all ain't hear me, did ya? This damn child told me, a full-grown man who would go to the ends of the earth to help her trifling behind that I'm taking too long?!

Exhibit A:



This is what I felt at that exact moment

Ok, fine, Little ungrateful bitch, Imma just let your ass bleed then, is that better??? Lol. I'm wondering in my head if I slaughtered her right here in the kitchen and told the judge what had happened, would he blame me?

Exhibit B:



What I probably looked like when the child was bitching at me for taking "too long" to help her...

My aunt was like you're so ungrateful to someone who went out of the way to help you", and I was like "it's OK; she don't know know no better", and I guess she don't; she's 9 and all kids that age know is "gimme gimme gimme" anyway so whatever...

Let that be a lesson for you, never help anyone... unless you're getting proper compensation. In fact, just get you a damn job as a mercenary... charging a fee will guarantee that people will never waste your time again.

The Army

I don't care what anybody says, the Army (because of what a soldier's superiors order them to do) does not accurately portray what you will experience if you decide you'll sign up. Whatever your reason money for college, other family members did it, pissed off about 9/11, chances are you will be in for a rude awakening depending on which political party ends up gaining control of the White House. Here's why:

Here's what typically happens. You're 17 and in 12th grade. If you're trying to go to school and you're strapped for cash, and especially if you're from the inner city, a guy (or a pair of guys) dressed in military gear, one white, one black (because having a black guy with him means he's down with you!), will make their move on you (because they have a quota they they must meet, as directed by their superiors); they almost never approach you by themselves.

Example A:

You garden variety Army recruiter



"Hey buddy, need money for college? Want to buy that GT500? Well here's how you do it..."

They try to get in your ear, promising all the things the Army can and will do for you. Sounds miiiiiighty good, don't it? Among the things you'll instantly acquire when you sign up:



"If you sign up now for the Army, this is what you'll get! But wait, there's more!"

Actually, there is more, much more. Like "we forgot to tell you about this part" more. You, being a new millionaire, are sitting on you boat with all the hot chicks, "makin' it rain", you know, like ballers do in the clubs when all of a sudden you get a call from your favorite uncle...

Exhibit B:

Calls you up and says...



Exhibit C:

"to go fight in Iraq for some oil. Hey! You owe me!"



So off you go to Iraq or whatever military abortion might be popping off at the time. Be careful though, or you may end up...

Exhibit D:



The moral of this story? Dead "heroes" neither get laid on a boat nor make it rain. You feel me now?

Job Applications and Hiring Managers

Don't you hate filling out job applications? I know I do! I mean really, the questions they ask! They're nosy as hell like they're the CIA. One of the questions I got a lot of is "if a better opportunity came along, would you quit this job?" Now mind you, I haven't even been offered the job yet, and they're already asking me a hypothetical.

Exhibit A: The typical interviewer



"Now, I'm going to need to know, are you going to stay with us, even if a better better opportunity comes along, mmmkaaay??"

I think they expect you to lie on some parts, because if you say "no", the interviewer ain't gonna hire you and they know it! It's like "hold on let me get in my 'to the future teleporter', go forward in time, see how things work out with this job, and then come back and let you know."

Interviewers often ask more questions worthy of Harvard diplomas like "do you feel you have had a difficult boss in past jobs?" We all have had this, so if you answer this question wrong, you don't get the job!

Exhibit B: The typical boss, who's sooo totally worthy of that "World's Best Boss" plaque:



"So Johnson, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Again, if you say the wrong thing, you don't get hired. I think that employers want to hear you say you plan to be working there until you die, that you never get angry, that you never, ever take a sick day; basically, they expect you to say you agree to become a mindless, soulless robot they can exploit called the "Employee 3000".

Exhibit C: What employers really expect their employees to be



"I am the employee 3000, version 2.0 now with 70% less sass!"

Then, they ask you stupid shit like "do you ever get upset when you get passed over for a promotion or when others don't do their share of the work?" or better yet "are you a hard worker?" Be careful here! If you say the wrong thing, you don't get the job!

Exhibit D: The typical work day



"Yahh! Yahh!" *whip cracks* "Back to work, slave! faster employee 3000! FASTER!!!!"

The trick is to lie, but tell the truth about stuff like that, because they know you're not a robot. They just ask trick questions, probably because they're evil or something.

Women With Breast(s) Tattoos

Not that I have a problem with this in any way, it's the behavior of these As summer draws to a close, there's one thing I'm sorry to say I'll see less of: breasts. I'm a guy, what do you want? Anyway, throughout most of the summer, there is another thing I also have come to realize that I have something of a fetish for, and that would be a tattooed tit. But for reasons I can't understand, their owners want the artwork to be visible, but at the same time, you're not supposed to look at them.

Exhibit A:



"Look, I got me a tattoo! Right above my right breast! Look at me express my individuality! *Gasp!* Don't look at my titties, you perv!"

Confused yet? Yeah, me too. My logic works like this: why would you put a tattoo, a piece of "art" that's meant for people to see, on a body part that isn't usually exposed anyway, if you didn't want me to look at it? But then I realize, many people don't use logic, just emotions, and you can't argue emotions against common sense; good ol' common sense will lose every time.

Don't try telling me something stupid like your cat walked in some ink and then walked in strategic placed steps on your boobature; it won't fly...

Exhibit B:



"My cat walked on my tits, and now I can't get these mud prints off... Stop looking at it, you freak!"

Why must I torture myself so, trying to understand why women do this? Do they not think things through before doing them? I understand if you decide you don't like all this unwanted attention, but then, you decide to place the aforementioned, well, I call them "tittoos" in a low-cut blouse or shirt, then you get mad at me for glancing at them! Are you trying to drive me crazy?!

Exhibit C:



"Hi everyone, my name is Cheryl, my tits would also like to say hi!"

Apparently Cheryl, as her right tittooed tit suggest is her name, is having a hard time breathing, and also bursting out her top, but don't glance or mention it or she may give you a tattoo over your eye with it! You mean the pervert drawing on your tits can see (as well as feel, sqeeze, and otherwise front like he's trying to create art) them, but I can't? I forgot, his whole purpose is creating a masterpiece, using your boob fat as his canvas, and he has no other motivation! Yeah that must be it!

Scientific Studies

These annoy me like nothing else because many times, my money as a taxpayer is being wasted on something that either I couldn't care less about, has no useful applications in my own life let alone anybody else's, or the results don't help me in any real way. I wonder to myself "what is the point of this study, and why is my money being wasted on it?" I mean, who really orders these to be done?

Exhibit A:

Scientists discover that people with shorter finger digits are more motivated to work out! Yay! What a useful piece of information, and applicable to my everyday life! Best...use of taxpayer money...ever!!!

At one time, there was a study to see the medicinal effects of Marijuana; what was even the point of all that? We can't have it legally anyway.

Awhile back, I read about a study that said white kids on the average, are happier than kids of other races. *gasp* You don't say!

Exhibit B:

My take on this truly ground-breaking and very worthwhile scientific study, bound to redefine the world as we know it:

My money would have been better spent working on a cure for AIDS, better and renewable sources for me to get the hell hole (I mean my job, the ol' fun-arium) or ways to bring the icebergs back so we could stop global warming somehow, but nooo! This was a much better waste of my money! Hurray for scientific study!

Greedy Folks

OK folks, I have got to say something about this subject, because Lord knows I have seen enough of it in my lifetime. I know you all have seen it too. Greedy people grasping for more than their share of virtually any and everything.

We as black people love the buzz words "food" and "free", so if you combine them in any order in the same sentence, you'll end up with the same response by the same types of people: to eat , eat and eat some more.

Go to any church event such as Easter, Spring and/or Summer revival, Pastor's Anniversary, or repass after a funeral, and at any one time, you'll see what I mean: numerous people pigging out, making real asses of themselves. Then after their collective gorgefest, skinny people become fat, and fat people go home bigger than ever before and later end up attempting to do this to an unsuspecting pair of jeans:

Exhibit A:

The Eternal Struggle

God had given my late grandmother many things: a loving devoted husband, 5 loving children, 11 grandchildren, and much eternal wisdom. With this wisdom, she taught me (through my mom) that among other things, whenever you go somewhere, you're supposed to carry yourself with dignity and not do anything that would bring shame on the rest of the family. She taught that when you eat someplace, don't get more than you can eat at that time, and get plates together for later like you'll never eat again. I guess these people could've learned a lot from that woman; I sure did, but anyway...

Last November, I was at a funeral for a family member and at the repast, I was outright appalled to see this one lady (she was female; she didn't carry herself like a lady would) have 3 whole plates of food spread out on the table in front of her, 2 cups of drink, and 2 plates of cake for, as my sister mentioned, for some folks who didn't show up for whatever reason! What the hell! Even if this was her story, if these alleged people didn't think enough of the deceased to even show up, how are they gonna be in a position to get food? That's a really nice act of niggerishness right there!

Greed knows no bounds sometimes I guess... If I were to give you any piece of advice about greed, it would be this: you heard what the song said, stop being greedy! Aside from being one of the 7 deadly sins, it'll wreck your waistline and make your body get its balloon on! Ask the woman in the above picture; but don't count on find her anytime soon until all the helium (because food didn't make her fat!) in her body is gone and she deflates, landing in some branches in a far away tree.

Bicyclists

It never fails. Whenever I'm in a hurry to go somewhere on Sundays and have got a good driving speed going, I run into a convoy of about 10 of these dickasses, crowding out my side of the road. Usually they're are nowhere to be seen throughout the week, but on Sundays, getting to places (especially church) on time is most definitely out as long as they're out there!

Exhibit A:

This is what I typically encounter on Sunday drives to church or pretty much anywhere else I try to go...

People (typically white folks) trying to get their Tour De France on. Every time I try to pass them, the dotted lines are on the other side and I have to remain slowed for about another mile before I get another chance! I mean, I'm all for exercising and burning off all unsightly fat, but do you have to do it by holding up traffic while you're trying to impersonate Lance Armstrong? This has led me to remind these apparently absent-minded folks who don't know I'm right behind them:

Exhibit B:

Either that or get off of it! The road ain't wide enough for all of us, and since my vehicle is bigger, I say I (and every other motorist) make the rules, and if you don't want VDOT to come and have to peel you off the asphalt, you better get out of our way and get back to running on the treadmill in the safety of your own garage and let me get to where I'm trying to go on time!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears!

Welcome

Hey all, welcome and thanks for checking out this blog. As the name suggests, this blog is about things that annoy the absolute hell out of me. Stupid things that, if I were to see someone do them, I would very much tempted to beat the unholy hell out of them, if I didn't laugh at them instead. I'm not going to bore you folks with a whole lot of unnecessary details, so in closing, I'll say this--enjoy the ride I'm about to take you all on! Try not to laugh too hard...