The Army

I don't care what anybody says, the Army (because of what a soldier's superiors order them to do) does not accurately portray what you will experience if you decide you'll sign up. Whatever your reason money for college, other family members did it, pissed off about 9/11, chances are you will be in for a rude awakening depending on which political party ends up gaining control of the White House. Here's why:

Here's what typically happens. You're 17 and in 12th grade. If you're trying to go to school and you're strapped for cash, and especially if you're from the inner city, a guy (or a pair of guys) dressed in military gear, one white, one black (because having a black guy with him means he's down with you!), will make their move on you (because they have a quota they they must meet, as directed by their superiors); they almost never approach you by themselves.

Example A:

You garden variety Army recruiter



"Hey buddy, need money for college? Want to buy that GT500? Well here's how you do it..."

They try to get in your ear, promising all the things the Army can and will do for you. Sounds miiiiiighty good, don't it? Among the things you'll instantly acquire when you sign up:



"If you sign up now for the Army, this is what you'll get! But wait, there's more!"

Actually, there is more, much more. Like "we forgot to tell you about this part" more. You, being a new millionaire, are sitting on you boat with all the hot chicks, "makin' it rain", you know, like ballers do in the clubs when all of a sudden you get a call from your favorite uncle...

Exhibit B:

Calls you up and says...



Exhibit C:

"to go fight in Iraq for some oil. Hey! You owe me!"



So off you go to Iraq or whatever military abortion might be popping off at the time. Be careful though, or you may end up...

Exhibit D:



The moral of this story? Dead "heroes" neither get laid on a boat nor make it rain. You feel me now?