Luxury Car Companies

Luxury car companies produce commercials that tell you their cars come equipped with all these advanced safety features that regular cars don't have. Well that's just great! Now, the wealthy have one more thing to lord over us poor people: the right to live longer because they have the money to buy a car!

These commercials seem to imply that only those who can afford these outrageously overpriced cars deserve to be safe, and if you don't have the money to afford them, then you probably won't be getting to your appointed destinations safely. It's not entirely their fault though. These companies are a business like any other, and the customers make the demand, and so it would seem that rich people really like to say to regular people "Ha ha! I'm richer than you!" I didn't need to research this to know it, but whatever...

Exhibit A:



I guess I really did need that backing up beeping sound feature on my car. Huh...who knew??

Keep this in mind (especially the fellas) when you go to buy a new car: if you don't have a ton of money to blow on a luxury vehicle, not only can you expect to get clowned because of the car you buy, but also expect any non-luxury cars you consider to:

• Be ugly to look at
• Get terrible gas mileage
• Have the most uncomfortable ride ever
• Truly reflect your status as a poor person
• Be stuck in the Dark Ages technology-wise
• Not get you laid because it's an Escort, and not an Escalade
• Fall apart moments after you take it off the lot because of the car's halfassed construction
• Show that you're not only not in the upper 1% of America, but are, in fact, just a normal person, like the rest of us, and are therefore, not to be worshipped

By contrast, luxury vehicles:

• Are always beautiful to look at
• Will bring the chicks in by the dozen
  
• Have the most perfect ride of all time
  
• Are totally up-to-date technology-wise
• Perfectly constructed of quality materials
• Get wonderful gas mileage, regardless of vehicle size
• Truly reflect your status as just plain better than everybody else
• Allows its owner to make up for every (physical) shortcoming they have

Exhibit B:



The Cadillac "Corvette", the XLR. The cure for all feelings of inadequacy. Well worth the $106,000 asking price...

Now remember, you can't afford extravagance so by the time you're done reading this, you may already be dead or in a (poor peoples') hospital because you were just being cheap!