Butterfaces

I know you all have seen these freaks of nature somewhere before. Guys, I know you've made the mistake of trying to get at them too, because of the monster ass attached. They are some of the worse women (?) in the world, because you're emotionally torn. On the one hand, you see a hot body that makes your dick harder than the SAT's, but your feet keep getting this urge to propel your body away in the other direction of this mistake of nature. Here's a typical scenario:

He sees the most absolutely round, squishy, softest-looking bubblebutt ever, and his dick gets him to thinking, "I need to fuck this bitch tonight". He starts to salivate, formulating an idea of what would be just the right thing to say to it (not the female; he hasn't seen her face yet) upon introduction. I should also mention he's also drunk off his ass. So when he approaches her, staggering as he goes she turns around and he sees in all her (drunken) unabashed ugliness, but doesn't think of her that way, because he's toasted, and is blinded by the ass he sees.

Exhibit A:



The only ways people would have sex with ugly females short of being insane...

Anyway, now his dick takes over; somehow the conversation turns to sex, he says he's this size and the "Butter" (face) gets to thinking she's gonna try him out. They head and go back to her cave and make hot sweaty monkey love, complete with the jungle sounds. He busts a terrible nut; he immediately decides he fucked up because of that wonderful ass, and decides to take off, but by now, ol' butters is in love with him because of how he waxed that ass. He's fucked now... he knows his boys are gonna laugh at him when he tells them, after which they ask if they can smash also.

Ladies, I know you've seen these females that look like a hot piece of "ohh-hell-fuckin'-nah!!" pushing around a baby carriage in the mall or wherever and you get to thinking, "WTF is this shit?!" and you want to ask her "Who the fuck been layin' with your ugly ass?!"; I know, because that's exactly what I think when I see it. Remember the old Jordan commercial "it's gotta be the shoes!"? Well, it's gotta be the head game, because her looks are...kinda bad...

The funny shit about it is these girls are uglier than God should allow to stalk this planet, and dudes will gas these creatures' heads up, again because of their obscenely large asses or the fact that they're truly TITanic (and/or both) and they'll go around being their disgusting, gruesome selves like they're finer than angel hair. They'll carry an inner ugliness (conceited personality) to match their outer ugliness. Many of them make it in porn, because they're not "movie screen" or "TV" attractive. I'm like "how you get to thinkin' you're hotter than Keyshia Cole? Some body done lied to you, seriously!"

Exhibit B:



Does this qualify as wifey material?

Fellas, are lookin' at her or are you staring directly into the ass when you say you like her? Quit gassing these monsters up, making them think they can mix with regular soceity like everybody else! As for me, I've seen better...

The Media

The Media really grinds my gears, not only because they make people look like monsters, but because usually, the story varies from station to station, and in general is very inaccurate. Add to this the fact that depending on who's involved, black or white, rich or poor, the coverage varies too.

For example, when there's a shooting of a black child in the ghetto, the coverage is little. It has to be a slow-ass news day before real airtime is given to the story. Even then, reporters will usually ignore the intelligent people who were eyewitnesses to the crime, and will search around for the most ghetto, gold tooth-wearing female to ask what they had witnessed. They usually say something like "well what had happened was these dudes was shootin' and sh--whoops, I almost cussed on T.V.! But anyway, it was like, 5 shots, pow pow, pow, pow...trust me, it was like, 5 shots!"

Exhibit A:



Who the local news reporter goes to for the real story...

When Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans 3 years ago, the media showed white people stealing out of stores, "doing what they had to do to survive", and cops left them alone. When black people did the same, however, the media said they were "looting", and there were orders given to the National Guardsmen there to perforate any looters dead on sight with rifles!

Exhibit B:



Here goes some "looters" stealing, like black people always do...

It seems that the media is prejudiced against people of color as well. Black people for example are painted as savages, and good deeds and general acts of heroism normally go unreported, but any crimes they commit are almost always front page news. The same things goes for Mexicans and Latin folks at large.

Here's another fun fact I just remembered. When Michael Phelps won 8 Gold Medals at this summer's Olympics, setting a new world record in every event he medaled in, nobody said a thing about him possibly doping or otherwise cheating. I would think that something this odd would warrant an investigation or at least be mentioned as strange, but whatever.

When Mark Mcguire broke Roger Maris's home run record, it was later discovered that he was using performance-enhancing drugs, but since it wasn't the "big ones", nobody gave a shit and let him keep his record, but when it was thought that Barry Bonds might have possibly taken perfomance-enhancing drugs, the media was all over him, and "fans" at every ballpark he played in wanted to crucify him. Today, he doesn't have a team to call his own.

The media has successfully assassinated the characters of all those who fall in the "non-white" category. They have white bread viewers so scared to death of them, they can't even fucking go outside without worrying that we might steal their money or bring our apparent "heathenishness" to their front door. They even have it down to a formula:

Exhibit C:



The formula going through the average person of Caucasian descent in this country

Is it fair? Hell no, but that's the media for you. What are ya gonna do...

Black People

I'm so used to seeing people (always white, always British) doing crazy ass things like fucking around with King Cobras and deadly Taipan snakes, but it seems now that Caucasian folks no longer have the market cornered on crazy. Black people are causing me as a black man to lose faith in his race as well as myself. It ain't just black folks though; hell, even Asian kids can be loners and blow away an entire classroom full of folks!

Exhibit A:



Well it looks like even Asians are to be feared now... who knew???

But I digress... getting back to my original point, it's not even black people on the whole who aggravate me, it's the ones who end up getting us all branded as savages in the eyes of other races. It used to be that you could tell what race a person was who committed a crime based of the type of crime in question. Drive-by shooting in the 'hood? Right off, a black man! Blowing away scores of folks in a school building in the suburbs that they didn't even want to be at in the first place? Lonely-ass "Emo" White kid! Not anymore, y'all; black people have surely lost their damn minds! I mean take the D.C.-area sniper(s) for example.

Exhibit B:



Well white people have always secretly (and overtly) feared black people. Nothing changes. World keeps on spinning...

Every single person on the planet (including me) instantly thought "crazy-ass white dude", but nooooooo! We know who it was now... I never thought I'd hear so many black people collectively say "Damn!" that loudly about anything before this!

Shit gets worse though. Listen to this story. This one State Senator from Nebraska actually...sues...God! Yes people, the Almighty, Author of Eternal Life! Ok, so I just have one question: can I buy pot from you? Actually nah, I think I'm gonna stand over here....waaaay over here, so I don't get struck down by lightning!

Exhibit C:



This guy looks like he could be God and he's suing God!

Talk about your random acts of jackassery! Remember the old saying "black don't crack"? Well I think it's finally happened: we may have officially cracked...up! Let the insanity begin...

Attention Whores

By definition, an attention whore is some one male or female, but usually female, who craves attention to such an extent that they will do pretty much anything to receive it. The type of attention (negative or positive) does not matter. Typically, females will show up on message boards and chats usually only used by guys (gaming, porn, hip-hop) who have to announce they're female. Oftentimes, they will post pictures and links to pictures of themselves almost (or completely) naked as bait so that the guys in the forum will tell them how hot they are, and they usually do.

Typically, it goes something like this:

Thread Topic: Who's the best rapper of all time, B.I.G. or Tupac?

biggiefanNY: Why are we even talking about this? Everybody knows Biggie is the greatest ever
2pacalypsenow: Nah man, Pac is the greatest of all time
1brownsugachic: Hi guys! am i the only girl here???? :-?
biggiefanNY: Nope
1brownsugachic: I wanted you guys to see my newest pics. I was putting on my thong when I was @ VA Beach this weekend
2pacalypsenow: Damn! That's wassup! That's hot, shawty! Where you stay at?"
1brownsugachic: Thanks! you really think so?! *blushes real hard* :-D

A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 or more of the following:

1. Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
2. Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior, being overly flirtatious
3. Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
4. Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self (excessive cleavage, etc.)
5. Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
6. Has to be the only female in a group of guys. Competition is not welcome!
7. Uncomfortable with not having all eyes on them at all times
8. Is usually the loudest, most provocative dressed person in the room
9. Looks to make sure any competition has their eyes fixed on them

It really all just starts from child birth. The baby cries when people don't pay it the required amount of attention, so they lavish attention on it, and from then on, it doesn't stop. when the child gets older, she throw an absolute hissy fit when they don't have all the attention of every man in the room. here's an example:

Exhibit A:



This is what your typical female attention whore looks like, trolling around on all the social networking websites looking for "E-love". This one is saying: "Pay attention to me pleeeease! You can try to contact me but I won't reply because I got what I wanted, your attention! Bye now!"

It goes without saying that the internet has become a big breakfast table for all attention whores, male or female, to feed their several egos. Pictures, like the ones from the above page, show this this to be true. While the "A.W." has these pictures up, creating the assumption that they're online for more than an ego boost, they have absolutely no intention what so ever of giving the people what they want, in the sexual way.

I should mention that there are male attention whores. You know the kind: never got female attention and were dissed for being poor and/or sickly-looking and have been in the gym all of their adult life since. They come online, posting pics of themselves (if it's really them that is) that look something like this:

Exhibit B:



What your typical male attention whore looks like. Notice that he took a pic of himself in the mirror and has no photography skills whatsoever. Ok, so why's there another guy in this picture??? Hmmm.....

Simply put, these people are among the most annoying that you will ever have the misfortune of running across in life. They have a glaring weakness that even the blind can see, but so many people give into them, because they throw a colossal fit and act like a baby if they don't get what they want. Don't give in, and this will be the result:

Exhibit C:



"Waaaaaaah! I've been taken down a whole peg because people absolutely refuse to inflate my already over-inflated ego! It's not fair!"

Exhibit D:

One final example of an attention whore:



Anna Nicole Smith: Hey everybody, look at me! Lemme show you my sideboob and undertit! Look how much fun I am! Wheee! I married that old buzzard and now I'm rich! (Suddenly dies)
Gaming Community: Pwn3d hard by God & by Karma!
Me along w/rest of world: LOL

Most people would say that Anna Nicole was after the loot, but I truly believe she loved that decrepit, shriveled-up monkey penis. I bet he was smashin' those gigatits every night! But I do digress...

They'll (attention whores) be alright, though. Just avoid this type of person and hopefully, they'll melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. What ever problems they have is not the rest of society's fault anyway.

Light Skinned People

Editor’s Warning – Before I get started, I should mention that the following blog posting involves my own internal and external experiences, meaning that it’s either happened to me personally, or I’ve seen it exist elsewhere outside of myself. That said, many of my friends and relatives are light skinned and we get along just fine and will continue to get drunk together for many years to come. I should also mention that I do not mean all light skinned folks, but many, so do keep your hate mail off to the side and don’t hit “send” until you’ve read the whole thing. I thank you for your time. Let us begin…

What is it with these pigment-challenged folks who act like they have gold glitter on their asses because they’re light-skinned? They have this misguided mindset that somehow they’re better than “regular”, burnt, blue-black folks, affectionately known as “darkies”. I don’t know how exactly, but I have a sneaky suspicion that the media, who often casts “light-bright-and-almost-white” in roles and positions they would never give to us of a darker skin tone, has a lot to do with it. Why? I’m not quite sure, but here’s my working theory, but first:

Exhibit A:

“I’m light-skinned, which makes me by default. Even my cleavage is hot! Look at it! Don't look at it , you pervert!”

It would seem that white people fear us walking oil slicks, so they attempt to make us hate our skin tone and praise the almighty light skinned person (usually a female), and force their ideals of beauty on us. It’s infiltrated the internet, showing up on all the social networking websites. Here’s how it usually plays out. You see a name, something along the lines of “LyteSkinEnV”, so you think almost instinctively as a guy “oh boy, she must be hot!”, because society has conditioned you to think she’s superior to other more melanin blessed women, and click on the link.

When you get to the personal page, the first thing you’ll usually see is that nothing of real importance is ever mentioned, other than something about "fuck the haters” or something like that, after mentioning the fact that she's light skinned. You don’t say… My bad, I guess I was supposed to get up out of my chair, fall on my face, and worship the ground you walk on just because your parents had the jungle fever. I didn’t read that part of the script. My bad…

Exhibit B:

“I’m finer than duck butter and the best thing about being light skinned is that I can pass for whatever race is more popular at the time. Yay! Racial ambiguity!”

Additional Information – Light skinned females who act this way are like that because they never had a reason to develop a true personality because of their looks. They’ve been told since the womb (via the media, family, total strangers, etc.) that their looks alone will get them everything they want. They’ve been handed pretty much everything in life (friends, jobs, material items, legal advice, etc.) for free because of their looks. While the average female has to work for everything she gets, always having to do more than the next chick, including developing a personality of substance in order to move her way up the socioeconomic ladder, a light skinned female’s physical attributes are most likely her only tool for prosperity. Keep this in mind the next time any light skinned female acts like you have to pay a requisite amount of money just to look at her, she may be cute, but is probably about as smart as a dust bunny.

Light skinned men have long been characterized as sneaky, underhanded players with cash, the sweet-ass ride, and the “good hair”. WTF is the good hair anyway? You mean white people hair? Because of this, they walk around here, like they’re a big shot, perpetrating like they’re God’s gift to women. (Yellow) Negro, please!

When did the light skinned man come back in style anyway? I don’t believe the light skinned female ever went out of style completely; me personally, I love all the flavors black women come in, but whatever, I fucking need a beer or some kind of therapy…

Tokens

As much as the media would have us believe that they're not responsible for and have effectively eliminated the concept of racism, is a laughable idea at best. Come on! What black girls do you know that would even be caught dead at a beach in the waves, much less actually surfing them? The reality is that you will not usually see black people at white gatherings unless they're what you'd call an Oreo.

Exhibit A:



What the Media feels they have created, the "Perfect World" through diversity

By the same token, you will not usually see white people at a rap concert, on Comic View (unless they're comedians), or at a black church. That being said, the idea of diversity, which by definition is a policy or practice of limited inclusion of members of minority groups, usually to create an appearance of being inclusive, is laughable at best. Face it, you're still far more likely to see these collectives...

Exhibits B and C:



Than this:

Exhibit D:



Happy-ass black and white people

Forcing people from other races, religions, and experiences together against their will isn't going to make true diversity happen. Let's be real; as far as diversity goes, the media paints a facade of us meshing perfectly to prevent members of minority races from saying they're not fairly and accurately represented on TV. To be sure, we're as far from things being "equal" as we are to actually not seeing color racially. Honestly, I think the likelihood it will get to a point where we're all going to mix and just become brown people the result of our collective love is when pigs fly! I mean, just look at this year's election if you need proof of this.

We'll see how really racially educated, diverse, and accepting these people really are when their kids decides to start dating kids of the others in "Exhibit A" I bet...

Video Girls And/Or Groupies

By definition, a groupie is a person, typically female, that seeks sexual and/or emotional intimacy with a celebrity. Groupies are also usually, but not always, fans of the celebrity they pursue. most of the time, they seek to get some shine (15 minutes of fame) at the expense of an established celebrity. They usually seek money or other gifts, and will use their feminine wiles to get it. If that doesn't work, use unusual yet very creative methods to get what they want, to get pregnant by a famous person so they can live in the lap of luxury by proxy. I've even heard of women freezing sperm they collected from used condoms after their sexual encounters, then using that to get pregnant and demanding child support and other exorbitant amount of money! They usually get it.

Exhibit A:



What a typical groupie thinks about when confronted with an opportunity to meet a celebrity...

Last night, I couldn't sleep and so I was watching this show on VH1. I can't recall the title exactly, but it was along the lines of "Rap Video Vixens" or something like that. Anyway, I saw the "head" vixen herself, "SuperHead"! As the show went on, they seemed to be portraying her as some kind of victim (yeah, I know) and seemed to be promoting her book as some kind of "cautionary tale"; nevermind that she basically used it as a platform to be famous, if only for a little while. She cast herself as a victim, claiming that when she was associated with Ja Rule, she had to have sex with everybody there to "stay in the family" as she put it. Come on! She knows to keep up the lifestyle she wanted, she did what she would have done anyway with any other celeb! Not surprisingly, I found out that she was executive creative consultant (whatever that means, emphasis on the creative part) when I read the show's end credits...

She doesn't want to be known as SuperHead anymore; this in spite of the fact that she has a company called SuperHead Inc., but whatever. She even dedicated the book to her son; he must be sooo proud! A "cautionary tale" (and ticket to maintaining the lifestyle she wanted) indeed!

Exhibit B:



"I'm the victim...buy my book!"

So anyway, about this show... numerous video girls came on, talking about "if you don't have sex with this or that rapper, and his entourage, you won't get in the video." They say that the entourages are much much worse than the rappers themselves. Even the video directors demand they get to smash and get that premiere head or these females won't get on. I mean Eva Mendes made it, but that's about it.

Cam'ron comes on, saying he used to be the barrier for Ma$e, being in his entourage back in the day and groupies, saying that "If you wanna get with Ma$e, let's go in this room and I'll let you if he'll like you." He then went on to say if the girls wanted to get with him, she'd have to let his own entourage smash, leaving them alone together in a room, saying he'd be back but then he wouldn't come back. He said they were just jumpoffs anyway, so whatever.


This one girl said that on the set of a Snoop Dogg video, the directors told her that to get in the video, she had to let him fuck her; she flat out refused and now she's barred from being in videos and being on the set with Snoop again. I understand these dudes use and abuse many of these females, but many of them claim to be intelligent. Here's where I have issues with that. If you're so damn smart, why do you shake your ass and give dome like a pro for cash instead of finding other avenues to make money with your incredibly smart brain? Huh, smarty McSmart Smart?

Exhibit C:



What your average science professor looks like, when not giving a lecture on the theory of relativity

The point is, they knew what to expect when they got there, so I feel absolutely no sympathy for them, as many of them fully intended on getting something for nothing. As for what happens backstage, nobody can do anything to a female that they themselves will not allow, with the exception of rape, and I haven't heard any of them allege rape, so there that is. Take responsibility for what you do for money and what happens in your life.